Short Short Story – 1/28/12

 OOPS…

You people make me sick! I mean it. If ever there was a group of people so pathetic as to make a man break his jaw rather than speak to them, it is YOU! How your kind could ever survive without daily bludgeoning is beyond me. If it were up to me you would all somehow become dead before leaving this room; slowly, excruciatingly dispatched in a manner that makes continental drift seem like a brisk pace. Mind you, while this is happening, I will smile and grope my biblical erection.

Honestly, of all the depraved and unconscionable things a person could do you people have taken the cake and, sickeningly, eaten it too! What’s this?!? Do I hear a sniffle? Two sniffles? Come on now, I expected more from you. Considering why you’re here I would have thought it would take more to bring you to tears. Like, perhaps, visiting a righteous and unparalleled act of mutilating violence upon your collective genitals, to such a degree that God himself would wonder why he even created such a thing as genitals in the first place! Perhaps then you will have the vaguest idea of what it feels like to be a victim of child molestation!!!

 

…….what?

This isn’t the lecture to convicted child-rapists?

Then where the hell am I?      …oh

Uhh, hello. Well, my name is Simon, and I am an alcoholic. Tomorrow I’ll have 281 days. Thank you.

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