Monthly Archives: June 2012

Something Missing

He sees all his friends, old acquaintances, even his family, navigating life like masterful downhill skiers.  Slicing between flags at blinding speeds, looking as calm as they would were they walking the grocery aisle.  But then he looks to himself and sees a one-armed man trying to juggle for the first time.  With axes.  Blindfolded.  And upside-down.  Nothing comes easily except gaining weight and procrastinating.  He doesn’t know why he can’t right himself on this river of existence.  But at the same time, he does.  Admitting to himself that he is lazy and unmotivated is not the hard part.  It is sadly easy.  What is difficult for him is fighting that truth.  It is easier to stagnate and be mad at the universe than it is to stand up and cut your way through the jungle between yourself and your ideal. But there is always something missing.

If he had a better job he would be happy enough to make changes.

If his job had a better schedule he could be more creatively productive.

If he had a girlfriend he would be confident enough to take the steps needed to grow.

If he had more money he could work less and use that time to work out.

If he had higher self-esteem he could maintain a relationship.

If he wasn’t this, he could be that.

If he was here, he could go there.

If one, then the other.

If up, then down.

If future, then present.

 

If he had motivation, he could write.  So he stood up, took a step, and he wrote this.

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Filed under Thoughts and Journaling

A Collection of Bad Superhero Names

  • Sergeant Panty Bunch
  • Cleveland’s Teamer
  • Porn Master
  • Herald of Hemp
  • The Bargainator
  • Better-Than-Cops Man
  • The Decider
  • Twat Titan
  • Mooch Man
  • The Loafer
  • Nigger
  • Captain Crap-Ton
  • Captain Indifference
  • Captain Saunter
  • Captain Stub-Toe
  • Doctor Petrified Bull Penis
  • Knee-Replacement Man
  • The Splotch
  • Corporal Killable
  • Dangly Balls
  • Waddler
  • Professor Lazy
  • Restless Leg
  • Rag Tag Fag Hag
  • Corpse-Fucker
  • Jeremy
  • Mr. Dominatrix
  • Doctor Fart

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Filed under Thoughts and Journaling

I agree with this completely.

If theaters were designed like this, I would totally go there for all of my cinematic viewing needs.

This image is from The Oatmeal.  Matthew Inman made it, and everything else on the Oatmeal.  He’s a funny man.

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Filed under Pictures I found

Another Cracked Photoplasty Contest

Just out of frame of famous movie moments.

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Filed under Photoshop for contest

Cracked Photoshop Contest Bundle

Science Lessons From Video Game Universes

Apps You Would Install In Your Brain

(CLICK THIS ONE TO VIEW ANIMATION)

and

 

Alternate Interpretations of Warning Sign Symbols

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Filed under Photoshop for contest