She turned her face toward mine, instantly finding my eyes with her own, and softly asked me “If you could do anything, absolutely anything, right at this moment, what would you do?”
I would wrestle the sun from out the sky, and plunge it into the great ocean, watching its steam drift away to the horizon. Grasping the moon, now lost in the dark with no light upon its face, I would fling it across the heavens to lose itself in the firmament. Then, with a massive breath, I would blow out the stars, like so many candles across eternity.
“Sweetheart, why would you do all that?”
Because then, in the forever darkness, this perfect night with you would never end. I would wipe clean the skies to be here with you forever.
So, four years ago I attended a Halloween party. I planned ahead for the costume, so I was able to grow my beard long enough to facilitate my pop-culture flavor of the moment…Doctor Thaddeus ‘Rusty’ Venture, of the Adult Swim animated series The Venture Bros.
Unfortunately, nobody bothered to tell me when pictures were being taken, so instead of looking awake and in control of my faculties, I look like a dope.
This Halloween party would be 9 times more awesome if I didn’t look brain dead.
I’ll be honest, that is the only photo anyone bothered to take of just me in my costume. But, luckily for you readers, I was spotted in the background of a group shot…looking just as blank-slate as before.
Is that a speed suit or are you just brain dead?
Oh…it’s both. I understand.
So, it’s not perfect, but I tried to get as close as I could.
You didn’t bring me cake? Fine! I didn’t even want cake anyway. Asshole.
And then I looked in the mirror, and saw a streak of gray in my hair.
I haven’t run a marathon. I haven’t owned a house. I haven’t lived anywhere more than three years since I was 18 years old. Now I’m 33, and I have a streak of gray in my hair.
I haven’t travelled abroad. I haven’t been in a fist fight. I haven’t gotten blackout drunk and woken up in a strange place. I haven’t hitchhiked. I haven’t gone dancing. I haven’t hosted a Thanksgiving dinner. I haven’t taken a cruise, but now I have a streak of gray in my hair.
I haven’t written a book. I haven’t started a business. I haven’t made investments. I haven’t sought my fortune. I haven’t been called by Destiny. I haven’t learned from my mistakes. I haven’t found what I am looking for. I haven’t seized the moment. I haven’t let go of the past. I haven’t blazed a trail. I haven’t heard opportunity knocking. I haven’t picked up the pieces. I haven’t found the silver lining.
But I have looked in the mirror, and under all the years and chances, the delays and obstacles, the stumbling and slacking, the roads not taken, and dreams not pursued…there is a streak of gray in my hair.
I prepared this image for a tshirt design contest online, but the day I logged on to submit the design, I found a virtually identical design had been submitted that very morning. I don’t feel right submitting it now, so I will post mine here instead. Next time, I will not delay my submissions!
Starfleet, get away. Get a good job with more pay. And Make It So.
DID YOU KNOW…
…that if you pour a gallon of gasoline out onto Lincoln’s head, you will gain the ability to start any Lincoln Navigator with your mind?
…that if you cover George Washington’s face with peanut butter, it will transform into the face of George Washington Carver?
…that brushing an Angel feather across Roosevelt’s nose will cause every teddy bear in the world to sneeze simultaneously?
…that playing a Jefferson Airplane song while standing on Jefferson’s head will allow you access to the secret single airplane hangar located behind his forehead?
…that if you cover George Washington Carver’s face with cherry pie filling, it will transform back into the face of George Washington?
…that playing a Jefferson Starship song while standing on Jefferson’s head will allow you access to the sentient alien scout ship housed in his mouth?
…that burning the original U.S. flag atop Mt. Rushmore will activate the Presidential Mega-Zords?
On August 12, 2012, the comic book industry lost another Golden Age luminary.
Joe Kubert, co-creator of Sgt. Rock, founder of the Joe Kubert School of Cartoon and Graphic Art, now known as TheKubert School, and father of acclaimed comic book artists Adam and Andy Kubert, passed away at age 85. I urge everyone to take the opportunity to find some of his early work, and give it a look. There is a reason he remained a name in the industry for so long.
DID YOU KNOW…
…that dealing a hand of poker in Stonehenge will guarantee the dealer one (1) royal flush in every casino he ever visits?
…that being killed in Stonehenge while singing will cause you to reincarnate in the body of a former American Idol champion?
…that if a man achieves an erection while in Stonehenge he gains the ability to climax at will for the rest of his life?
…that five (5) Thalidomide Babies riding five (5) unicorns into Stonehenge will reboot the Earth?
…that Clay Aiken can often be found in Stonehenge singing requests for people to murder him?
…that burying the ashes of Gene Roddenberry in Stonehenge will turn all the triptychs into Guardians of Forever? (not a Star Trek fan? Look it up.)
…that five (5) Thalidomide Babies riding five (5) griffons into Stonehenge will reverse the direction of Earth’s rotation?
…that if a survivor of Hiroshima rides a pegasus into Stonehenge, then kills himself, Stonehenge will supply unlimited energy to the planet forever?
…that burying the frozen head of Walt Disney in Stonehenge will cause every nation’s capital to collapse into dust, and a Disney Magical Kingdom to rise from the rubble?